Sometimes, you meet a lady at the bar who actually wants you to put your penis inside her, free of charge. One night stands can be tricky, though, what with all the booze and sweaty genitals. Let us show you the ropes.
Full DetailsFriday, July 31, 2009
Unexpected Divorce Entrance [VIDEO]
Someday, when I fall out of love, I hope my divorce is this much fun.
Full DetailsThursday, July 30, 2009
6 Things That Shouldn't Explode (But Did Anyway)
Somewhere, right now, something is exploding... for absolutely no reason at all.
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What Your Username Says About You
Sometimes you can read someone's username, and know exactly who you're dealing with, and which word they're about to misspell in the comment they left.
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Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Holy Bible: A Book Review
A real page turner, this ultimately flawed, but always engrossing adventure yarn gets a mostly positive review from our resident literary critic.
Full DetailsKid Owned By Mentos And Diet Coke
Most parents, whether we listened to them or not, taught us not to play with fire, explosives, zombies and such... But they never warned us about mentos and coke.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
7 High Tech Products And Their Cheap Ass Ingredients
It turns out a lot of the products that you think are essential to your life are a bunch of bullshit you can make in your kitchen.
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Shatner Recites Palin's Farewell Speech on Conan O'brien
Sarah Palin's farewell speech did not seem to make any sense...until William Shatner read it as it was meant to be heard in all of its poetic beauty.
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The Daily Show's Best New Jersey Coverage
New Jersey — the state in which Jon Stewart, Bruce Springsteen and William Carlos Williams all grew up together — once again hit the national headlines in a big way. And, for once, it was for reasons other than massive government corruption, organized crime and/or black market human organ sales. Oh, wait. No, that was exactly what it was for.
Full DetailsPunchlines To The 100 Most Offensive Jokes of All-Time
Often times, a joke is so raunchy, so outlandishly offensive, that most people aren’t willing to admit the sick humor made them laugh. But we realized that with the most offensive jokes, all you need to hear is the punch line to get a good chuckle. So here are the 100 best punch lines from the most offensive jokes of all-time.
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Monday, July 27, 2009
"So, I was a contestant on Jeopardy today..." [PIC]
Drew my name so it looked like a dick.
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Worlds Scariest Computer Virus [Comic]
He made it to the FBI’s Most Wanted List when it was discovered that the virus also converted all your music files to Nickelback songs.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Top 5 Funniest Fake Facebook Pages
With over 250 million users, Facebook is a social networking behemoth. The site is host to thousands of celebrity fan pages and has been taking steps to make these more appealing to self-promoters.
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Too Short [Comic]
On an entirely unrelated note, we’ve removed the ad banner until we figure out a way to make it less obnoxious.
Full DetailsWhy you shouldn't let your kids go to Comic-Con (PIC)
Wil Wheaton spotted this deceptively dangerous beast in the wild at San Diego's Comic-Con 2009
Full DetailsSaturday, July 25, 2009
7 Insane Ads That Have No Clue What They're Selling
Off-the-wall ads are nothing knew; advertisers know weird-ass ads will get people talking. But some commercials just get the 'bizarre' part down before shutting off the cameras and going home for the day, producing a worrying number of insanely ineffective and downright baffling commercials which for all their quirky weirdness forgot to actually ma
Full DetailsFriday, July 24, 2009
Five Awesomely Stupid Infomercial Products
Some shit is just too awesome to be stupid, yet to stupid to be awesome. And like a train wreck... we can't look away.
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The David Hasselhoff Problem Solving Method (Flowchart)
David Hasselhoff: actor, singer, all-around problem-solver.
Full DetailsSanta Monica - winner of the BEST city council testimony
It's nice to see that Miss Teen South Carolina is trying to make a difference now that she's all grown up.
Full DetailsThursday, July 23, 2009
Bizarre Online Search Suggestions [graphic]
People look for really bizarre things online. Whether these Google suggestions speak of true search volume or they are a prank, they are funny as hell.
8 Internet Memes That Just Won't Die
Back when the Hamster Dance - a series of animated hamsters dancing to Roger Miller's "Whistle Stop" - hit the Internet in 1998, few people thought it would be the first of a slew of Internet memes that bounce around our collective consciousness with little hope of escape. Here are eight more Internet memes that we can't seem to get rid of today.
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Wednesday, July 22, 2009
10 Of The Funniest Deceased Comedians Of All Time
I love comedians. Stand up comedy is one of those professions that you look at and wonder how they do it. Here are some clips from the funniest deceased comedians ever.
Full DetailsConan O'Brien - Solving the Slim Jim Shortage
Andy Richter and Conan O'Brien help solve the Slim Jim shortage by explaining how to make your very own homemade Slim Jims!
Full Details21 Office Supplies Too Awesome To Exist
Isn't it about time technology stopped being such a pussy around the office, and made the workplace awesome?
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Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Chinese Onion: Tot Lauded For Memorizing Primitive Alphabet
Following approved article contains: Confounding celebration of dim-witted child's miniscule achievement; Evidence of great failure that is the American education system, especially when compared to that of wondrous Mainland China.
Full DetailsMonday, July 20, 2009
Raaaaaaaandy - Part 2 (Funny People)
Part two of a documentary series profiling Randy (Aziz Ansari), a rising standup comic featured in the new film Funny People.
Full DetailsBlack Eyed Peas Have Officially Written The Worst Song Ever
It's official. This band sucks worse than Kid Rock on his worst day.
Full Details"America's Funniest Home Video" - Parody [Video]
In this classic clip, a fake lottery ticket causes an angry husband to open up.
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Open Letters to Annoying People
Letters are a good way to communicate with people that you, for one reason or another, can't have a face-to-face interaction with. This can be particularly effective when you're dealing with someone who is incredibly annoying. Here are some letters that we'd like to send to some particularly frustrating people.
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Vegetarians, from the other point of view
Mitchell & Webb UKTV 2009. Do you know an annoying vegetarian?
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Friday, July 17, 2009
Five Quotes People Should Really Stop Using
1. "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among stars!",Les Brown ---Let's get this popular piece of crap out of the way first, because you know what? F*** your stars. If I wanted stars, I'd be aiming for stars. I aimed for the moon.
Full DetailsSeven Of The Most Elaborate College Pranks
You know all about student pranks – greased pigs in the cafeteria, cows being led upstairs, all of that juvenile stuff. Maybe you’ve even heard about the more complicated college stunts – when M.I.T. students erected a police car on the top of the school’s Great Dome, for example.
Full DetailsThursday, July 16, 2009
5 Ways People Are Taking Harry Potter Waaay Too Seriously
Humanity's ability to simply enjoy the Harry Potter books and get on with their lives ended the very second two computers were connected together.
Full DetailsWednesday, July 15, 2009
The Bizarre World Of Children’s YouTube Videos
Ever stumble on some random YouTube video and wonder to yourself, "How did this piece of shit get 200,000 views?" Well, I have the answer. Kids. Very small children enjoy the YouTube a lot more than you may be aware of, and I'm not lying when I tell you that the only videos they enjoy are fucking weirdest and most annoying ones.
Full DetailsTuesday, July 14, 2009
3 Futuristic PSAs Remind Us Not To Speak To Robots [VID]
Don't Talk To Robots, Use Caution With Hyper Speed and Look Out For Time Machines. The more you know, right? Check out these super-informative commercials from the future, and heed their message to you.
Full Details9 Toys That Prepare Children for a Life of Menial Labor
Here are the toys that exist to let your kid know they're going to be wrist deep in shit for a long, long time.
Full DetailsMonday, July 13, 2009
Raaaaaaaandy - Part 1 (Funny People)
Part one of a documentary series profiling Randy (Aziz Ansari), a rising standup comic featured in the new film Funny People.
Full DetailsOMG U FAIL SO HARD
OMG U FAIL SO HARD - FAIL Blog strikes back at Guinness World Records' legal notice
Full DetailsWhat is the proper condom etiquette for threesomes?
"In my case, I’m a guy and it would be with two girls. Do I change condoms when I go from one girl to the other? It seems like that would be a hassle. It’d kill the spontaneity." Scroll down the page for the hilarity.
Full DetailsEvery balloon is said to represent the life of an orphan
Backstory: During this charity event, balloons were released with tags. It was said that every balloon was to represent the life of an orphan. Guess many won't be going far!
Full DetailsHow to get up, eat breakfast & get ready for work in 5 mins
Hilarious and you even get the techniques explained in this fun video from a Japanese Game Show
Full DetailsFriday, July 10, 2009
What If TV Pundits Could See If Nation Agrees With Them?
Onion's In The Know's new live internet poll feature revolutionizes how pundits shamelessly cater to what viewers want to hear.
Full DetailsCocky rapper has no stage awareness
Rapper falls off the stage completely into the crowd.
Full DetailsThursday, July 9, 2009
Family Forced to Move Due to Neighbor's Loud Sex
The Thompsons say they have been woken repeatedly in the night since the amorous middle-aged couple moved next door to their home five weeks ago.
Full DetailsScared of the Dark? Get a Suge Knight Light!
Get a Suge Knight Light! You're kids are scared of the dark? No problem. You don't need a night light, get them the Suge Knight Light! video
Full DetailsFunny Jokes from Beautiful Women
Browse our archive of bold attempts at humor from up-and-coming actresses (many of whom have since had their comeuppance) who just happen to be extremely good looking. We’ve included their photographs for good measure. But, seriously, eyes to the right, boss.
Full Details7 Classic Star Wars Characters Who Totally Dropped the Ball
Poor decisions abound in the original Star Wars trilogy, to the point that the entire plot is basically driven by people using the worst judgment possible. How else can you explain...
Full DetailsFuture 4chan contributer : [PIC]
When you’re 3 years old and you get your ‘lulz’ by making a chalk drawing of a massive penis, it’s safe to say you’ll be a pretty decent troll (once you learn how to use a keyboard).
Full DetailsWednesday, July 8, 2009
7.8.9: Because Today Should Have Its Own Retarded Movie
A mystery so complex, they need a doctor of arithmetic to solve it. Or a child who owns a joke book.
Full DetailsJon Stewart's Best Comedian Interviews
When Jon Stewart can make an interview about the deleterious effects of agribusiness hilarious, you'd almost think he wouldn't even bother interviewing actual comedians. But unlike Shaq's biological, Jon Stewart does bother, as evidenced by the clips in this collection of great comedian moments in Daily Show history.
Full DetailsAttempted Table Smash Breaks Guy's Back
Rocker(Douchebag) tries to smash this table down. The table had other plans.
Full DetailsTuesday, July 7, 2009
What Your Tattoo Really Says About You
Tattoos are more popular than ever. People from nearly every social, cultural, and ideological background are using tattoos as a way to identify themselves to the world. But sometimes your tattoo can send a message that's different than what you intended. Here's what your tattoo is really saying about you.
Full Details5 Bizarre Sexual Conditions That Can Ruin Your Life
Sometimes you hear on the news about weird medical conditions that actually cause more sex than normal. While sounding awesome these conditions are kind of like eating at Taco Bell, you may be left with internal bleeding.
Full DetailsMonday, July 6, 2009
Hilarious News Reporter Bloopers and Out-Takes
Many of the clips in this compilation will be immediately recognizable to crusty veterans of the Internet (”We lost a lotta good men on Friendster”). But even if you’ve seen them before, it’s nice to have them all packaged together to relive your favorites and see how they hold up over time.
Full DetailsStephen Colbert takes aim at Anderson Cooper
Stephen Colbert takes aim at Anderson Cooper and Michael Jackson's former pet, Bubbles.
Full DetailsReport: Meat Now America's No. 2 Condiment
Bacon and spreadable veal helped the up-and-comer best Big Three standards salsa and mayonnaise for the first time.
Full Details6 Species We've Nearly Killed Off (For Retarded Reasons)
Mankind's rapid growth has caused the extinction of many species. While there's rarely a good reason, these are just mind-bogglingly stupid.
Full DetailsFriday, July 3, 2009
Jalopnik - Repo Man Recovering Delorean Kicked In Taint By M
We saw this video hours ago and we're still trying to recover from the sheer WTF-ness of it. Suffice to say the headline delivers as promised. Also, there is no hope for humanity.
Full DetailsThe Top 40 Real Men of Genius commercials
There are a whole lot more of these than I thought. Funny list...
Full DetailsWhen you have Chickenpox below the belt ... [pic]
This guy thought he had reoccurring Chickenpox. He got set straight on Yahoo! Answers.
Full DetailsAll fast food advertising now replaced with porn. Enjoy!
Now for those of you who have actually left the confines of your basement within the last thirty years and/or not currently working on McDonald’s marketing staff, you already know that the phrase “I’d hit it.” means “I would have sex with it.” So, basically, McDonald’s was advertising that their burgers were so good that you’d want to have sex...
Full DetailsThursday, July 2, 2009
5 Naked Photos of my Mum [SFW PIC]
And this is why its never a good idea to forget where you left those naked pictures of yourself.
Full DetailsTop Ten Fictional Chefs
There’s any number of ways this list can be ordered, but Gunaxin chooses the route of who actually makes the best food, from worst to best, all involving the most lovable fictional chefs out there.
Full DetailsIF YOU LIKE TO DO GRAPHITY, DON'T DO IT [PIC]
Youtube Commenters are running the Management
Full DetailsWednesday, July 1, 2009
Stephen Colbert Joins the GOP's War on the Census [VIDEO]
I've never understood why we need to spend so many valuable resources on a census, when an educated guesstimate would do the trick.
Full DetailsLet's Get Sexy with Craig Robinson
Need some advice for your lady? Craig Robinson gets you sexy.
Full Details6 New Personality Disorders Caused by the Internet
We're thinking it's time they updated the psychological diagnostic manuals with this list of new disorders that only seem to kick in once the person opens a web browser.
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